A Dream from March. Star Wars Episode III – Not.

It was the new Star Wars movie. On TV.

Princess Leia and Han Solo were aboard yet another Death Star. Darth Vadar was still threatening the galaxy, but they had him on the run. A new group of smugglers had been assembled and Harvey Kietel was the main big shot. Of course an old acquaintance of Han, and “just here to do a job”. He seemed very out of place, 1st because he was so recognizable and 2 because he was wearing light blue plaid shorts.

The rebels forced DV out of an airlock, but just outside, DV ‘flies’ up to another airlock and reenters the Death Star.

Luke is on a planet that is DV’s next target. The DS shoots tiny green lasers at the planet. (I’m really big and they don’t hurt me. I’m floating in space watching this.) Instead of blowing the planet up, the lasers just really mess it up. On the ground we see tidal waves followed by bolder waves. Huge pieces of rock streaming across the landscape. They miss my childhood house.

Luke survives.

Leia gives a speech about how this isn’t the real problem, the real problems are back home in Afghanistan and car pools.

I couldn’t believe how badly written the movie was. Everyone hated it. I asked my wife if it was just a dream and the real one hadn’t been on yet. Then I realized that I had seen the trailer for the new movie and it was supposed to be completely different than this. Very relieved.